I wish I could just upload my memories in their entirety to the internet. Every time that I sit down and attempt to write out everything that’s happened these past few weeks it seems so hollow and empty.

My words fail to capture the background sounds of everything, the brightness of a color, the dizziness of illness, the emotional context of a heartbreaking conversation, the caress of a potential lover, the beauty of the world, and the lust for something different. My words hold none of the magic that those events carried with them.

I feel like I’ve lived these past weeks in a haze of booze, energy drinks, and shit food. Yet, I’ve also gone on adventures, experienced “experiences” (for lack of a better word), and stepped so far outside my comfort zone it’s startling to me.

I’ve danced in front of people like nobody was watching, I’ve flexed my sexual prowess, and I’ve experimented with my sensuality. I’ve learned to look at myself as an entire person and not just as a combination of parts. I’ve learned to care for myself in both spiritual and physical ways.

I’ve learned to appreciate my abilities to love, laugh, forgive, and move forward with the occasional backward glance.

I’m still learning though.

However, I’m going to take a more relaxed approach to learning now. No more binge drinking, no more drunk texting/calling, and no more contact with people I’m not really vibing with just because I don’t want to be alone. I’m dedicating myself to me and to the people who’s energies have inspired me in the most positive of ways.


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